Feverish…

Good morning. Ugh. Between my uterus speaking to me in the middle of the night and the dog needing to pee, I’m feeling like a new mom. Something’s waking me up every two hours and then won’t let me back to sleep. Otherwise, though, I was much better yesterday, after ditching the mind-bending opiates that weren’t kicking the pain. I was up more, ironing more, and resting when my body said it was time (going to get pet food kinda kicked my ass). And now I have stuff I can cut out as well, so I’m not wasting time (in my mind) when I’m just sitting on the couch. Progress!

I don’t do sick well. You might have noticed.

The night before, I managed to get all these flesh colors and pieces sorted out, but it wasn’t even all the way up the torso and I had to stop.

In a previous quilt, I wouldn’t have stopped, but I really am listening to the body. Pushing it a bit, yes, but listening. Two and a half days on the couch were enough for me. Then I got up yesterday and sorted more…

but as I went through and picked out what had to be flesh colors, I realized the figure on the left had almost 1100 pieces in it (it’s big) and about half those pieces (maybe more) weren’t flesh. They were heart or lungs or the vast number of bugs, mammals, and plants that I placed all over it. The spider and its web. The thistle. An entire rooted tree with birds nest. So. I started putting those in groups on the table by what it was…a pile of heart and blood vessels. One pile of clouds and lightning bolts and raindrops (5 raindrops are currently missing in action, documented on a post-it). A pile of hair, including the top of the head, the eyebrow, and the pubic hair.

And then I considered what to do with the flesh of the second figure. And decided one thing. Fell asleep Sunday night and decided another thing. Waffled over it all day yesterday (still don’t have a decision…honestly). So I stopped and started ironing the first one…

And honestly, now that I’ve ironed one figure, the two lightest fabrics in the run? I don’t think there’s enough of them to cut out the second figure from the same fabrics. Which is OK. It’s not like I have a shortage of flesh-colored fabrics. I can replace the first two in the run or I can pick a whole ‘nother run for the second figure.

So at some point, I had a box full of stuff to cut out…

And honestly I had overdone the physical, get out of the house and act like a normal human being stuff, so I sat down on the couch for almost two hours to recover, and cut stuff out…

Then made dinner and put it in the oven and then sat down again…still running a fever on and off (it’s OK, it’s another acceptable symptom).

I could have ordered out. If I’d had more than 20 hours’ notice of the procedure, I would have cooked some stuff and frozen it before all this happened. Girlchild was at soccer practice last night. I could have pushed her to prep the meal, or even the boychild, but I didn’t have the energy. I had picked an easy meal on purpose. Plus leftovers. Because I’m not particularly hungry these days. I eat because I know I have to, but girlchild ran to the store yesterday because I expressed an interest in popcorn (of all things) and all we had was kettle corn (bleck) and a year-plus-out-of-date packet of the normal stuff. She ripped them out of my hands and came back ten minutes later and put it in the microwave and cooked it. Sounds silly, I know, but food. Right now? Yuck. I guess that’s the “poor appetite” symptom.

Then I managed more ironing of all the bits…here’s the pile of fabrics now…

The iPad is for looking up things like ivy and wolves for approximate coloring. I do my research. The thermometer is there too…I keep taking my temp to confirm that it’s not a hot flash…it’s a FEVAH!

And here’s the new pile to be cut out…lots of little bits now…

In fact, I have one whole box that is just the snake wrapped around her legs…it’s that many pieces…

And another box that is just the giant bird above her hand…

And here’s the rest of the stuff in or on her body that is not flesh…

Well, except all the stuff in and on her legs (a moth, a wolf, some plants), because I did those yesterday.

Usually I know how many pieces I’ve finished, because I go in order. I have no freakin’ clue how many are done. I know I’ve done all the flesh pieces through 1100. And I’ve done some of the non-flesh-colored pieces on the way there. I did about 4 hours of picking and ironing fabrics yesterday, with almost 7 hours total into the fabric part. Probably there’s a good 14 more hours to go. I should be able to get that done this week.

I only spent about an hour and 15 minutes cutting pieces out yesterday, so there’s a lot more work on that section. That’s OK, though…I can sit down for that. So I’m stronger each day, but still definitely recovering.

So I ran into a post by someone who’s been on my blog-reading list for many years…Kate Kretz. She makes beautiful work that is sometimes challenging (for some, not me). Actually, I like the word ‘disturbing’. I don’t think that word is BAD. I think there are times we SHOULD be disturbed by what we see and read and even think. I believe artists SHOULD disturb. I think the first pieces I saw of hers were the mouth pieces done in hair embroidery, and that’s when I started following her blog (that’s 2006?).

Yesterday she wrote a post on shocking art that is right on. I’ve had a few people over the years accuse me of making work that shocks on purpose, that I’m TRYING to piss people off or upset them or whatever, and I try to explain that I’m really never thinking about the work in that way, and mostly people nod their heads, like SURE you’re not. But I’m really not. I draw from a place in my head where I don’t even consider my audience. I don’t care who they are or what they might think. They are so far away from my point of view that they might as well not exist. I don’t make art for y’all. I make it for me. Now once I’m making it, sure, I’m putting it out there and entering it into shows (and getting it rejected more times than not), but that’s the other part of the artist brain…trying to figure out where it fits, making sure it’s out there, that people eyeball it. The one I’m working on now? It’s not that controversial (I think), but someone’s panties will get in a twist about it, I’m sure, just like some of the other work I’ve made. Anyway…great article.

Now back to recovery…and artmaking…temp’s gone up a full degree since I started writing this. Sigh.