Need to Find Something Pointy

Hello ovary. So nice to have you along for the ride. Perhaps you could stop yelling so loud so I can hear myself think.

There’s something about October’s scheduling chaos that muzzles my brain. There’s too many inputs. I can’t keep everything straight. That damn ovary isn’t helping. I gave it wine to shut it up. It’s not working.

So I didn’t get into Quilt National. I’m not that surprised. Once in 13 years…the odds are against getting in again soon after. But it’s been months of not getting into much. So that critical part of the brain starts to pick apart the work…is it good enough? I think it is. I think these shows are fussy, and my work does not often fit in…much like me. It isn’t the end of the world. I can post pictures now, eh? Fuck you for making me paranoid about that. Let’s get into this century, people.

So it took me a while to get my butt off the couch tonight…exhausted from being at work until almost 5, trying to prep to be out of the classroom for two days, dealing with student issues and detention and tutorial and union crap and whole tons of crazy. I have seen my daughter for a total of about 7 minutes today. Seriously. Someone asked me if I was ready for the empty nest NEXT year, when she goes to college. Hell, she’s mostly gone as it is. It won’t change much. I am staying home tomorrow night with her, because I already know I won’t see her Friday…she’s going to Homecoming and I’m going the SAQA opening at the Poway Performing Arts Center. I was hoping she’d come with me and we could go out to dinner, but it’s OK. I get it. She’s a senior. It’s homecoming. Yeah, it’s dorky…but she still needs to go.

Anyway, exhaustion finally released me slightly…and I started ironing birds…this is the one on the left…

I’m actually missing the bottom part of the heart in its beak. It’s probably in another box. Or I’ll recut it when I get to the end. If I tried to make these birds into small quilts, they’d be significantly more expensive than the other ones I did. It’s about 100 pieces per bird. And they’re fussy as hell. Kinda fun to draw, though.

I was tired, but wanted to do more than just one bird tonight. Shut up, ovary. So I went for it.

This crazy balance of Enough Sleep and Enough Art…sometimes I just fight it. Anyway, I knew I wouldn’t go past the two birds though, because the next step is ironing the female figure together…so maybe I’ll start that tomorrow night…here’s the start of it.

Hell, they’re sorted. She’s a few hundred pieces. At least. I’m still running about 100 pieces per hour. So 3 1/2 hours in, with about 340 pieces done. I’m aiming for 2 hours tomorrow night…completing the female? Is that even realistic? She’s about 230 pieces…so yeah? Maybe? Two and a 1/2 hours might be a better bet. Sigh. I already know I have to be at the district office early for professional development, I have a union meeting AFTER that, and I won’t be home until close to 6. These long days just hurt.

And I’m still bugged by all the rejections this year. Some of the quilts I think are my best? They don’t get in. Anywhere. Makes me think I’m crazy. That all the time and effort I put in is pointless. Damn, so much of my life is like that…so much work, yet pointless. Need to change that feeling. Need to find something pointy.